Should You Send a Card or Gift After a Miscarriage? – How would you feel if you were in the hospital having just miscarried, and your friend or family member brought you a card or gift? Would it be awkward? Would it bring back painful memories? Would it make you feel better or worse? There are no easy answers to these questions. It really depends on the relationship between the giver and receiver, as well as what the giver knows about the pregnancy loss and the relationship of the two parties involved in the loss. That’s why it’s important to understand how best to approach this situation without making things worse or creating new problems.
The Best Time to Send a Sympathy Card
Typically, condolences should be sent out at least two weeks after you’ve heard about your friend’s miscarriage. This ensures that she will have had time to get through her initial stages of grieving. The first month after a loss is particularly hard, and it’s not uncommon for women to withdraw from their normal social lives during that time. Depending on how well she knows you, wait longer if she does not know your family well. A handwritten note also works as well as sending flowers. Just make sure that your words are kind and honest; there is no right way to say it when someone experiences a miscarriage.
What Kind of Gift Should You Give?
Because we don’t talk about pregnancy loss very often, it’s hard to know what kind of gift to send. In fact, you may feel like you don’t want to send anything at all; after all, you could give something that makes someone feel worse instead of better. So how do you know what kind of gift would be welcome for people who are grieving? Here are some things to keep in mind -As with any situation where you can’t relate directly to someone else’s grief, avoid saying anything judgmental. Try phrases like I am so sorry I couldn’t be there but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, I hope these flowers brighten your day just a little bit! If they don’t brighten your day too much, though…know that I get it, and You have my heartiest wishes. Wishing doesn’t add an expectation around healing—it simply allows the person receiving your gift to interpret his or her own response for memorial gift ideas.
If you’re not too sure about what to give, these unique gifts for pregnancy loss are a great way to get your support and love across without having to overthink it.
Don’t Be Afraid To Be Creative
When we’re shocked by bad news, our impulse is to do something — anything — to alleviate pain. But if your friend miscarried and is emotionally fragile, she may not want visitors or phone calls. Dropping off dinner for their family so they don’t have to cook or dropping off a pair of slippers and a blanket that they can cozy up to for a good cry can convey that you care without being intrusive. Just make sure to avoid saying anything such as, At least it happened early or You can always try again. Your friend will probably hear these comments from family members who don’t understand that early miscarriage is painful and mournful as with any loss.
If you don’t know what to say, send your sympathy with flowers — just avoid white carnations, which are associated with funerals in some cultures. With these three options in mind, you should be able to present your friend with a thoughtful and memorable way to show your support after her miscarriage. Any one of these items will be great, so don’t stress over it too much. Just pick something that fits your friend’s personality and get it to her soon!
